I shouted "Go away" to one of my boys today. Out of frustration, anger, tiredness, whatever. He took it to heart... And it broke my heart to see him so heartbroken at my careless words. I suck at this whole thing of motherhood... It almost makes me angry to think that such precious lives as those of my two boys are under my care. Mostly, it makes me really come to my knees and ask God what the heck He was thinking of, when He trusted me with them! I apologised and asked for his forgiveness, which he did give me, bless him. I have promised I will never say that again.
And while I do wonder what God was thinking, I also must trust the the Omniscient One knows better than me, and knows me better than I know myself. And that He gives me grace for the journey, everyday, like the mana, it is there, fresh and new. So, I must not try to hoard it for the coming days, but I must look to Him everyday for His provision of grace, and love, and joy, and peace. And that, by His grace, I will truly be the mother these boys deserve, and need, and that, with His guidance, I can be an instrument in raising them to be His children, men after His own heart.
I don't know how to mend his broken heart. But I do know the One who mends mine, that is all I can offer my boys.
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